Sunday, April 1st the WWE presents WrestleMania XXVIII, or WrestleMania 28 if you don’t enjoy Roman numerals. It will take place at Sun Life Stadium in Miami Gardens and will be one of a very few WrestleManias held outdoors. Thankfully the weather will be wonderful, something tells me the same may not be said next year in New Jersey! Of course after this previous winter, it might be 75 degrees with clear skies in New Jersey next year. Who knows with all this global warming?!? Or are we still blaming El Nino these days? I can’t keep up. But I digress! Let’s get to the first annual Manertainment WrestleMania Preview!!!
I am going to go from worst to best which sadly means I will be starting with the annual snore-fest, or piss break if you are consuming the alcoholic beverages which is the WWE Divas match. There aren’t enough compelling Divas on the WWE roster for them to pair up actual competitors it seems. Instead they reach out to fringe celebrities (it’s better than last year’s appearance of Snooki but at least Trish Stratus was there too to help save that… Trish… rwoawr!!!) like Maria Menounos who I think is on Extra or TMZ or something. After further investigation she actually is a host on Entertainment Tonight and has actually been on One Tree Hill which may not exactly be a ringing endorsement of talent. Well she is heading back into the ring (yes, this is the 2nd time and no one really cared the 1st time either) along with the worst named Diva in the history of the WWE (yes worse than Madusa, Alundra Blayze, Rockin’ Robin or Chyna) Kelly Kelly (UGH!) to face the recently turned whore Eve and the WWE Divas Champion Beth Phoenix. Who will win? Who cares?!? But if you want my prediction it’s Kelly Kelly Kelly and Maria Menounos – celebrities rarely lose in matches, especially WrestleMania matches.
Randy Orton and Kane are having the “We Have Nothing Better for You Two Right Now” match of the night! Nothing against either competitor but I have no interest in this match and I don’t really care who wins as it will do nothing to change their positions within the WWE. Apparently Kane has to beat Orton to prove that the monster is back (yeah, ok – wouldn’t ohhhh, I don’t know, BREAKING ZACK RYDER’S BACK DO THAT?!?) and Orton just wants to RKO the big guy because he’s a viper or apex predator, or rattlesnake or something. Like I said I don’t really care.
Prediction – Orton wins. That’s about all you’re getting from me on this one.
Next up we have the match that will determine which GM runs RAW and Smackdown when Team Johnny goes against Team Teddy. Team Johnny is full of heels and represents John Lauranitis and Team Teddy is full of faces and a lot of WWE’s comedic performers. On Team Johnny you have the team captain (why?!?) and 2nd worst wrestler of either team David “Mr. Jennifer Lawrence”, “Captain Baby Oil” Otunga along with the completely awesome and fantastic heel Dolph Ziggler, The All-American American Jack Swagger (or Thwagger as he likes to say it), Mizark Henry (shout-out to the Road Dogg with that one!) Drew “I’m Just Happy to be Here” McIntyre (I thought he was fired 1,200 times already?!?) and the current WWE whipping boy, The Miz. They are taking on Team Teddy which consists of the United States Champion Santino Marella (the guy gets huge pops despite being a comedic act and will he ever actually defend his title?), the worst wrestler in the WWE today “The Great” Khalil, R-Truth and Little Jimmy, the always entertaining Kofi Kingston, Zack “WHOO-WHOO-YOU KNOW IT” Ryder and the 5 times, 5 times, 5 times, 5 times, 5 times World Champion Booker T!
My prediction – I don’t think the WWE is ready for Lauranitis to leave and how many more tag team matches can Teddy Long make?!? I think Team Johnny wins this one but I will say that with 1 caveat. Mush Mouth Lauranitis, ole Super Dave himself might have let a secret slip last Monday when he said something about the Miz being on Team Teddy. If the WWE wants to make the Miz a face (and they really should) what better way of doing it than having him turn at WrestleMania costing Team Johnny the match? I think that is a possibility and I think it would be controversial enough that Otunga would be able to go to court for Lauranitis and keep him on TV. Now it’s just a guess but I think it would be a good story for all involved.
Next we have one of my current favorite performers Cody Rhodes defending HIS Intercontinental Championship against the largest athlete in the world, The Big Show. Cody has been 1 upping the Big Show for weeks now.
From showing highlights of all the Big Show’s WrestleMania bloopers, to handcuffing him to ropes and pummeling him while wearing boxing gloves ala Floyd Mayweather, Rhodes has had the upper hand throughout this entire feud. The WWE has also made a point of mentioning that the Intercontinental Championship is the 1 title that the Big Show has not held in his WWE career.
My prediction – As much as I love Rhodes these days I think the Big Show finally gets his WrestleMania moment on Sunday. I think he becomes a Grand Slam Champion and I think Cody Rhodes moves on to bigger and better things than the Intercontinental Championship.
Now we get to The World Heavyweight Championship match between “The Great White” Sheamus and “The American Dragon” … wait, no it’s just Daniel Bryan. Bryan’s WWE career has flourished since he went full-fledged heel. AJ’s apparent embracing of her role as a modern day Miss Elizabeth has helped Bryan’s character as well. He is probably the 2nd or 3rd best heel on the roster today. After months of beating up Jinder Mahal, Sheamus surprisingly won the Royal Rumble and chose to face Daniel Bryan at WrestleMania.Bryan has taken every shortcut imaginable to retain his championship and Sheamus looks poised to finally stop Brian and all his weasely tactics!
My prediction – I am about as wishy-washy on both title matches as can be. I can see the WWE going in both directions on either. However, I think Sheamus walks out of WrestleMania as the NEW World Heavyweight Champion and goes on to face Cody Rhodes sometime around SummerSlam after Bryan gets his rematch.
In the last couple of weeks the feud between Chris Jericho and CM Punk has really picked up steam. I think the WWE dropped the ball at the Royal Rumble and in the Elimination Chamber by not having Jericho win one of them. They killed their own momentum as they struggled to try to outsmart the IWC and the marks who were certain Jericho would win the Rumble and then obviously wanted CM Punk to go into WrestleMania as the champion which somewhat handcuffed them with the Elimination Chamber itself. Thankfully, CM Punk and Chris Jericho are bright enough to save the feud when the WWE did their best to drop the ball on it.
The fact that the feud really seems to be just beginning makes me think this match will be the 1st of many. I love that Jericho has dug into CM Punk’s family history and even want as far as to call him a bastard and bring his MOM into it! As every self-respecting man knows, you don’t talk about our mommas! Punk’s assault on Christian was a nice twist to show that he has essentially snapped which may or may not be exactly what Chris Jericho wants! He is smarter than all of us troglodytes – don’t forget!!!
My Prediction – I think Jericho wins, but again I can see this one going either way. Traditionally faces are booked better when they are chasing the heels as opposed to vice versa. The WWE knows this (well one would think they do but with their creative team you never can be too sure!) so I suspect we get a Spring full of matches where CM Punk tries, and eventually succeeds in reclaiming his WWE Championship!
Now comes THE END OF AN ERA! The Undertaker vs Triple H Part 3 with special guest referee, The Heartbreak Kid Shawn Michaels in the HELL IN A CELL!!! Let me preface this with one simple statement – man I miss seeing Shawn Michaels in the ring! He is my all-time favorite and the WWE really misses his ability to tell a story in the ring. That being said let’s get to the meat of this match!
The Undertaker is coming off what is now his annual, year-long vacation after he was basically carried out of last year’s WrestleMania match against Triple H. Triple H spends more time wearing suits than wrestling these days. And Shawn Michaels hosts hunting shows pretty much all the time since retiring two years ago. So do I think that so much inactivity will lead to a lackluster performance? HELL NO! You have three of the top names in the business today on the grandest stage of them all. The Undertaker basically lives for WrestleMania now. He is 19-0 (a streak that really means nothing because we know this is all pre-determined right?) and looking to make it an even 20!
Triple H almost broke the streak last year but the Undertaker managed to win with the Hell’s Gate. Triple H says he knows what it takes to beat the Undertaker the Undertaker disagrees because Shawn Michaels couldn’t do it and Michaels is better than Triple H! Such an insult!!! Mr. WrestleMania has a bit at stake as well since the Undertaker retired him and clearly he feels he is truly better than Triple H himself. Will he play a huge role in this match?!? Will the streak finally end?!?!?
My Prediction – No Chance in Hell!!! The streak doesn’t end Sunday. Shawn Michaels won’t play a big part in the outcome. The match will be brutal (much like last year’s) but in the end The Undertaker will find the way to overcome the Cerebral Assassin Triple H!!!
The Main Event
Last year The Rock was the special guest host for WrestleMania. He decided that he had had enough of that Roody-Poo Candy Ass John Cena who gave him the Attitude Adjustment the night before and intervened in his title match against The Miz, giving Cena the Rock Bottom and allowing The Miz to retain his WWE Championship. The next night The Rock and John Cena agreed to meet a year later, in The Rock’s hometown of Miami, Florida.
Now I am going to be honest here, I do not like John Cena. I haven’t always felt this way but after well over 5 years of seeing him win and win and win, never sell an injury and smile like a doofus I have had enough of his act. The people in the crowd who chant “CENA SUCKS!” to combat the high-pitched shrill of “LET’S GO CENA” feel the same way. It’s not that Cena is a bad guy, it’s that we’re sick of his act. You can only watch the same story play out so often before you grow sick of it. With Cena, I am sick of it.
I love The Rock. Outside of Shawn Michaels he is my 2nd favorite wrestler of all time. His promo work is unrivaled and his matches were always entertaining. He seemingly lost more big time matches than he won (something that Cena does not do), he sold injuries and he always wavered between heel and face without hesitation. I don’t care why he came back to do this match, I am just happy that the man is back! I also don’t care if he stays, but I suspect this won’t be the last we see of the The Rock in a WWE ring.
The story here is that John Cena is angry at The Rock for turning his back on the WWE when he wanted to be known as Dwayne Johnson. I mean, why would he want to drop The Rock moniker when he can pad the WWE’s pockets for doing nothing other than owning the name, The Rock?!? What legitimate actor would rather be known as Dwayne Johnson as opposed to The Rock?!? CENA DOESN’T UNDERSTAND!!! Cena is about as smart as a bag of rocks apparently. This part isn’t a work, this is actually some of Cena’s legit beef with The Rock. Oh Cena also got angry because The Rock said he was never leaving again in a promo last year and then was off TV for months. Clearly Cena has the brain capacity of a 4 year-old and takes everything that is said literally. The Rock, well he just doesn’t like John Cena, and who can blame him? He thinks he looks stupid in all his Rainbow Bright, Fruity Pebbles t-shirts and jean shorts (he does), he thinks all his mottos like Hustle, Loyalty, Respect and Rise Above Hate are plain stupid (they are) and he is as sick of seeing Cena as the rest of us (WE ARE!) and has let Cena know it.
There have been a ton of promos, Twitter wars, raps & rock concerts and finally on Sunday we get the match!
My Prediction – Sadly I think that tool John Cena wins. The WWE simply does not let their golden boy lose in the big match. I have seen a lot of people say that The Rock will shake Cena’s hand after he is defeated and I pray that isn’t true. To show Cena respect after a year of talking about how much he dislikes him just isn’t logical.
What I would like to see happen is to see The Rock win. Now, it’s just not because of how I feel about the individual performers but for story-line purposes. The Rock said this past Monday that he had to beat Cena to prove that he is the greatest superstar in the history of the WWE. He beat Stone Cold Steve Austin at WrestleMania. He beat Hulk Hogan at WrestleMania, and now he needed to beat John Cena at WrestleMania. Now then, doesn’t it seem like he left someone out?
In my dream booking, The Rock wins, he is standing on the 2nd turnbuckle, arm held high when the bell tolls. The same scenario would work for a Cena victory as well albeit not as effectively in my opinion. The lights in the arena go out and a big graphic of 21-0? shows on the screen. The show fades with The Rock and Cena looking back-and-forth to one another confused about who the message is for. This sets up next year’s WrestleMania Main Event – The Undertaker vs The Rock! Neither of these guys are full-time performers and it would make perfect sense in the grand scheme of things. Chance of it happening – 2%!!!
I hope you’re as ready for Sunday as I am. I don’t usually get too excited for wrestling events anymore, but WrestleMania generally tends to be pretty special! What are your predictions on this Sunday?